The Benefits of Buying Groceries Online

 

Imagine waiting patiently for your turn in a parking lot, enduring the all-too-surprising noises of the chatterbox behind you, cautiously stepping into the space you've been waiting for, only to realize that the drivers on either side of the white line are actually leaning against the line. The first lap is successfully completed.

You pull your toddler out from under the pile of must-have car ride toys so he doesn't throw a tantrum, unbuckle the car seat, find a doll that quickly covers his screams, and run to the supermarket where a kind person pulls out a cell phone and reports social services for child abuse. Before writing me a letter. The second round is a success.

I put the toddler in the driver's seat and drive the dreaded cart, this time from an elevated position so that I can see everything not on my carefully prepared shopping list, including anything too sweet, too fatty or too chocolatey. To prevent the glass bottles from being broken again by the screaming toddlers, he puts the cart in fourth gear and attempts to drive through the supermarket at a speed that would make Jeremy Clarkson and James May jealous. But the cart is cursed and doesn't go in the direction you want it to. It only makes a desperate and compromising left turn, and I have to be careful not to collide with the three retirees who gossip weekly in the dairy aisle. Insulting children or the elderly is never acceptable in a supermarket. The third round is a failure.

The bag of chips now belongs to the toddler and you manage to load the cart with everything on the list and everything else the toddler indicates. Because the art of holding your breath until your face turns blue is not always easy to explain to the doctor who rushes to the rescue. Admit it, who's going to believe you did it on purpose because you refused to buy a weekly supply of oven chips and chocolate cookies? Beaujolais looks delicious, and the apples could be used to make chutney and applesauce before they go bad. I'm sure your mother-in-law has the recipe somewhere. And the bakery smells so good you can't help but eat too much. Then you grab a baguette and some cheese in your paws and off you go. The fourth round fails as you get sucked into the swamp business. Try also: Affordable Online Bakery

After half an hour in line, with only three people left in front of you, your baby turns his baguette-smeared face toward you, smiles broadly, and casually utters the word "marmite" that he just learned. In my haste to get the groceries quickly, I discover to my horror that I have forgotten the most important ingredient for my baby's diet. She leaves the child in the care of a man with long hair and pierced ears, who nods energetically and chews gum to incomprehensible music. As the cashier walks away because it's almost time to go home, you must either desperately search for pot or go home yourself without your most prized possession. The fifth round is a total failure!

Picture this scene: a freshly made cup on the table next to the couch, a laptop on your lap, a baby already in its little bed. The first phase of the project has been completed.

You have planned your weekly menu, made your shopping list, enjoyed your chocolate cookies and tea, and are still happily clicking away to select your desired products. The second phase has been successfully completed.

Tomato puree is not on the list, but I'm sure you'll need it for the beef stew you're about to lovingly prepare for your dear family. You rush to the refrigerator to see if you need more grain. Round three continues and is a success.

The red wine goes well with this pot. Round 4 ends successfully.